21 going on 31

The Day I Realised I was Old

And It Was Ok.

Went out to Blue Rooms in Bath last night for John's birthday. We lasted about 2 hours, before John had started DJing and we left just as our friends turned up in one big, drunk group.

We had sat, we had drank drinks and chatted chat and then we got tired and had to work today so went home to bed.

We're 21 years old.

This hurt. I realised in one of those swirly, head hurting, vacuum type moment that we are so young and so old at the same time. M and I have been together for over four years and we live an incredibly happy, domestic life where we cook and I clean and we do our own coursework and make films. It's gorgeous, but it's about ten years before our time.

We live like a married couple in our 30s. We rarely go out, our socialising consists of going to the local pub and having people over for supper. Lovely, but lame.

But is it lame? I'm happy. So happy. Happier than I've ever been in my whole life 'cos finally I belong with someone who is closer to me than I am. We fit, it's that simple.

So now it's just a matter of waiting for our friends to catch up with us I guess. I worried and worried and then I talked to Oli at Paintworks and he said he has been in exactly the same position. He met his Mrs when they were 16 and went all through college and uni together. Now they're married and expecting a baby. Their friends are just catching up.

So be it. I'm happy, I've just got to wait for everything to find what I've found.